“Change is constant; the only constant thing in life is change”. No matter how its put, the point is that nothing ever remains the same. A fetus trying to adapt to the body of its mother is soon pushed out and becomes and infant in a new environment that needs to be adapted to. The infant becomes a toddler learning how to be human, grows into a teenager learning to understand life and then an adult (well, you never really understand life). The water of the sea is constantly moving, the leaves on trees also change season after season, the sands are constantly moved and even the air we breathe is not the same. It is also a proven fact that our body changes overnight as we sleep because the cells breakdown and rebuild every day.
So, in this constant world of change, isn’t it a wonder how we still hold on to love? Every body is in search for that one love that will last forever. That one love which would make you want to spend the rest of your life with one person. I wonder, however, how it is that no one stops to think that the love they so earnestly search for would one day change like everything else in life. Think about it; the recipient of this love would one day grow old and even before then, the character changes, the giver of this same love also changes, the environment in which this love is nurtured changes with season, time and social circumstances. So who is to say that the love itself will be the same?
Which brings me to the bug of all bugs? Does true love change? Now, some might say the love of God does not change… well, I say that is God! Pure and simple. What about the love of our parents? Do they stop loving us? Do we stop loving them? Maybe not. But aren’t there sometimes when your mother just annoys you so much, you almost hate her and when your father disappoints you, you wish you belonged to someone else? And are there not times when our parents expect so much from us and when we fail to deliver, their love diminishes?
Or does it?
Do the brief feelings of admonishment and disapproval reduce or change our love in any way?
The natural answer would be NO. nobody wants to admit that there are times when the love between parent and child reduces or changes.
Why then doesn’t this principle apply to relationships? Why do we find people falling in and out of love? how is it that a man who once meant the world to you is now a merely a name on your contact list? Or that a day which required you to plan months ahead in buying gifts suddenly becomes the day you send a simple text at 12pm saying “happy birthday”? and how is it that even amongst all the break ups, you find the one special couple who remain important to themselves to the end? Does this mean that love doesn’t change and perhaps it’s the people in love that change? Yes? No!
If love doesn’t change, does it mean that people immediately fall in love the moment they meet? Love occurs in stages; from attraction, to infatuation, to bonding and eventually to love. It then means that love also changes. Another point to show that love changes is the saying “there is a thin line between love and hate.”
The irony, however, is that love is the one thing that keeps us all together. We are in a constant state of change. Nothing is permanent except real love, deep love that transcends time and place. Even in its change, love still remains the only constant which serves as the rope we cast to each other to keep from drowning in the sea of turmoil otherwise known as life.
So the answer to these questions is one of two things: love doesn’t change ( which I do not agree with) or 2 being that love, like every other thing, changes but has a constant constituent/form which it keeps despite the change. Sort of like our bodies, the ocean, the atmosphere and the leaves on the trees. Even after change, these things look the same to the naked eye.
28.7.10
16.6.10
Soar or Plummet?
Have you ever heard of how the female eagle selects a mate for herself? She picks a twig, flies very high in the air and drops it. The male eagles would then scramble to get the twig and bring it to her. Take a minute to think about it, like 6 male eagles scrambling high in the air to pick a little twig that can break under the slightest pressure. The peculiar aspect of this “mate test” is that she does this same thing over and over again. How does she finally pick? The first male to get a twig three times!
Think about it, each male can get a twig at every time right? But she is smart enough to realize that, so she continues with the test till she gets the perfect one. The one who is strong enough, patient enough and smart enough!!!
If only humans would build up on some of their more useful animal instincts. Every animal has a form of mating ritual with which to pick their mates. And these rituals result in the best mate and sometimes only mate for each animal. Why then is it that human beings, the highest of these animals seem to have lost their way. An eagle can find a perfect mate in one day but humans take years and a lot of test runs to get a mate, most times not even the perfect one is gotten.
How is it that an eagle has more class, sense and dignity than most women? Let’s critically analyze the situation. A man comes to a woman, throws a few recharge cards, BIS activation, perfumes around, says some things about how he has never liked a woman as much, used to be a player but u don make him fall in love and the woman IS “in love”. Without any further ado, she ordains him as her plus one. God forbid she finds out that he is not good enough, its on to the next one. She continues to amass men, in the process loosing her dignity.
The eagle (what is a female eagle called by the way?) on the other hand, recognizes the VERY important things; all males can afford to do the same thing. Any other guy would say the same words; buy the same things just to get what he wants. So instead of falling like our girls would, the female eagle (eye lasan lasan!) continues with the tests. Mind you, she is not “just” fronting o! She is taking her time to pick out the strongest, whose beak would not get broken which in our case is maybe say the richest whose bank account will not run on empty.
Another BOLD feature in this ritual is patience. The female is very patient. She is in no hurry to pick a boyfriend. She goes through the stress of picking a good enough twig, strong enough to bear the pressure. She would then fly high, very high only to drop that twig. Do you know how much time and energy she puts into this ritual? But women now just want a boyfriend either due to society push or peer pressure.
Because she has put in so much energy, she deserves a patient male as well. In the whole process of trying to get the twig, some males would have left out of anger, low attention span, weariness, frustration or attraction to another female. Whereas we immediately open up our hearts, mouths, tops and even legs to the man who gives the most attention or is simply the finest, the eagle takes her time and separates the wheat from the chaff in a manner of speaking.
Ever noticed how if you post a guy for more than a month sometimes even shorter, his calls reduce till they eventually stop?
Finally, you have got to give the eagle props for her confidence. I mean the “chick” has a sense of worth. First, she does not perform any ritual until she is absolutely ready to mate. No peer pressure or fear that there would be no man there when she is ready. She is sure of nothing less than three men fighting for her when she is ready. For heaven’s sake, the girl knows she is hot enough for them to fight over and she won’t settle for any thing less than fighting to the soaring end. Plus she makes sure she gets her mate in JUST 1 day.
I am not giving any advice here, am merely comparing notes. It’s your choice… be the eagle or be the woman.
b.t.w a female eagle is called a hen-eagle!
Think about it, each male can get a twig at every time right? But she is smart enough to realize that, so she continues with the test till she gets the perfect one. The one who is strong enough, patient enough and smart enough!!!
If only humans would build up on some of their more useful animal instincts. Every animal has a form of mating ritual with which to pick their mates. And these rituals result in the best mate and sometimes only mate for each animal. Why then is it that human beings, the highest of these animals seem to have lost their way. An eagle can find a perfect mate in one day but humans take years and a lot of test runs to get a mate, most times not even the perfect one is gotten.
How is it that an eagle has more class, sense and dignity than most women? Let’s critically analyze the situation. A man comes to a woman, throws a few recharge cards, BIS activation, perfumes around, says some things about how he has never liked a woman as much, used to be a player but u don make him fall in love and the woman IS “in love”. Without any further ado, she ordains him as her plus one. God forbid she finds out that he is not good enough, its on to the next one. She continues to amass men, in the process loosing her dignity.
The eagle (what is a female eagle called by the way?) on the other hand, recognizes the VERY important things; all males can afford to do the same thing. Any other guy would say the same words; buy the same things just to get what he wants. So instead of falling like our girls would, the female eagle (eye lasan lasan!) continues with the tests. Mind you, she is not “just” fronting o! She is taking her time to pick out the strongest, whose beak would not get broken which in our case is maybe say the richest whose bank account will not run on empty.
Another BOLD feature in this ritual is patience. The female is very patient. She is in no hurry to pick a boyfriend. She goes through the stress of picking a good enough twig, strong enough to bear the pressure. She would then fly high, very high only to drop that twig. Do you know how much time and energy she puts into this ritual? But women now just want a boyfriend either due to society push or peer pressure.
Because she has put in so much energy, she deserves a patient male as well. In the whole process of trying to get the twig, some males would have left out of anger, low attention span, weariness, frustration or attraction to another female. Whereas we immediately open up our hearts, mouths, tops and even legs to the man who gives the most attention or is simply the finest, the eagle takes her time and separates the wheat from the chaff in a manner of speaking.
Ever noticed how if you post a guy for more than a month sometimes even shorter, his calls reduce till they eventually stop?
Finally, you have got to give the eagle props for her confidence. I mean the “chick” has a sense of worth. First, she does not perform any ritual until she is absolutely ready to mate. No peer pressure or fear that there would be no man there when she is ready. She is sure of nothing less than three men fighting for her when she is ready. For heaven’s sake, the girl knows she is hot enough for them to fight over and she won’t settle for any thing less than fighting to the soaring end. Plus she makes sure she gets her mate in JUST 1 day.
I am not giving any advice here, am merely comparing notes. It’s your choice… be the eagle or be the woman.
b.t.w a female eagle is called a hen-eagle!
7.6.10
UNSATISFIED SEARCH
What is love? Why do people go from one person to another in search of a supposed soul mate or true love? Does it really exist? That true love we all desperately search for? Why can’t you just find one good person and stay with that person for the rest of your life. And if the thought of being with one person for the rest of your life is simply too daunting, then maybe open relationships and marriages should be the order of the day.
Sometimes, I think our ancient fathers and mothers got it right? The whole idea of picking a spouse for their child therefore avoiding unnecessary heartbreak and sleeping around doesn’t seem so bad anymore.
I mean if my parents had picked out a husband for me and married me to him the moment I turned 18, I wouldn’t have had to meet people just to leave them. I would have killed two birds with one stone, avoid heartbreak and kept my innocence.
But the whole idea of letting us freely choose whom we want to be with has given us the idea that we have to pick the best and perfect hence opening up discontent whereby, good men are not good enough. And the notion of love or true love has eternally doomed us to an unnecessary search for what may just not exist. In the process of this fatal search, we loose our innocence and people who meant the world to us.
In the search for a nonexistent notion, we become old maidens and the irony of it all is we eventually settle for less. That’s how come you find a 40 year old woman finally settling to marry a man who is not even as good as her first boyfriend.
My question then is, if (in most cases) you eventually have to settle for someone who is not even half as good much less close to perfect and whom you are not even attracted to not to talk of being in love with, why then do we deceive ourselves in the beginning by searching for a nonexistent concept.
I think every body is good enough for anybody; all that matters is the determination and will to want to keep the relationship. So, if you find a good man or woman, make extra effort to keep that person. And if you find that you have lost that one good person, well accept your fate and pray that you find someone else half as good. And if you find someone better, thank your God.
Sometimes, I think our ancient fathers and mothers got it right? The whole idea of picking a spouse for their child therefore avoiding unnecessary heartbreak and sleeping around doesn’t seem so bad anymore.
I mean if my parents had picked out a husband for me and married me to him the moment I turned 18, I wouldn’t have had to meet people just to leave them. I would have killed two birds with one stone, avoid heartbreak and kept my innocence.
But the whole idea of letting us freely choose whom we want to be with has given us the idea that we have to pick the best and perfect hence opening up discontent whereby, good men are not good enough. And the notion of love or true love has eternally doomed us to an unnecessary search for what may just not exist. In the process of this fatal search, we loose our innocence and people who meant the world to us.
In the search for a nonexistent notion, we become old maidens and the irony of it all is we eventually settle for less. That’s how come you find a 40 year old woman finally settling to marry a man who is not even as good as her first boyfriend.
My question then is, if (in most cases) you eventually have to settle for someone who is not even half as good much less close to perfect and whom you are not even attracted to not to talk of being in love with, why then do we deceive ourselves in the beginning by searching for a nonexistent concept.
I think every body is good enough for anybody; all that matters is the determination and will to want to keep the relationship. So, if you find a good man or woman, make extra effort to keep that person. And if you find that you have lost that one good person, well accept your fate and pray that you find someone else half as good. And if you find someone better, thank your God.
10.5.10
1st service to my country
So its my first day at work at the Government House, Lafia, Parastatals Department (whatever that means). The time is 11:11 am, a whole 2 hours after my time of resumption and you would not believe what I have been doing. If you guessed, filing papers or typing out documents, darlings, you guessed wrong. I had the fore-sense to bring along my laptop so I have been watching a film I just got. Right now, my boss- the permanent secretary just walked in so I have to form busy, and the best way to do that is to fill my blog.
Excuse me a minute…
Okay, so I’ m back. Its 11:45. My boss called me in for a debriefing and also to give me my first assignment. Apparently, I am going to be needed in writing a lot of things here too. My department is in charge of all the coordinations for the government house. So my perm sec (permanent secretary) wants me to draft a letter to “acknowledge the receipt of some items” accordingly.
11:58, finally I am done with the letter. You would be surprised how hard it is to say a simple thank you in an official place. But the best part is that I got to sign my name on behalf of my boss. I know it seems like nothing,s yeah but I get to have my signature in a file in the government house for the rest of time.
So, now its 12:03 and my boss has gone out (for some kind of inauguration), so I guess am back to film and a bit of chatting.
Did I mention how they love corpers in this state? And how I am beyooooond bored in my surprisingly very comfortable house as there is never light and my housemates are Hausa. Even the Yoruba one understands Hausa. (though she is always gisting me about her past loves; Hausa men are apparently into planning marriage with other people while dating you.)
Anyhoos, toodles.
Excuse me a minute…
Okay, so I’ m back. Its 11:45. My boss called me in for a debriefing and also to give me my first assignment. Apparently, I am going to be needed in writing a lot of things here too. My department is in charge of all the coordinations for the government house. So my perm sec (permanent secretary) wants me to draft a letter to “acknowledge the receipt of some items” accordingly.
11:58, finally I am done with the letter. You would be surprised how hard it is to say a simple thank you in an official place. But the best part is that I got to sign my name on behalf of my boss. I know it seems like nothing,s yeah but I get to have my signature in a file in the government house for the rest of time.
So, now its 12:03 and my boss has gone out (for some kind of inauguration), so I guess am back to film and a bit of chatting.
Did I mention how they love corpers in this state? And how I am beyooooond bored in my surprisingly very comfortable house as there is never light and my housemates are Hausa. Even the Yoruba one understands Hausa. (though she is always gisting me about her past loves; Hausa men are apparently into planning marriage with other people while dating you.)
Anyhoos, toodles.
1.4.10
TESTIMONY TIME
Hey y’all, guess who is back? I have missed writing so much. It feels so good to type again. I could see the joy from the screen of my laptop…lol. The wallpaper had a welcoming smile that warmed my heart (even though it was my picture). The sound from my laptop was music to my ears and even the welcome seemed like it came from the depth of the heart of the computer (you get my drift). I had barely unpacked when I put on my laptop, even my father had to shout at me.
Now I’m not writing any wise notes…nope, I am only thanking God for the miraculous miracle that he did for me on the 31st of March, 2010. Never in my life would I have thought that such a thing would happen to me. My life became a Hollywood movie over night.
It all started on the day we left camp and I got my posting letter to Lafia, the state capital, which was 2 hrs away from keffi where the camp was based. By the time I got to lafia, it was too late for me to get anything done concerning my clearance so I had to lodge in an hotel for the night. Hoping that by the next day I would be done on time to catch my flight from Abuja to lagos by 8:30pm.
As God would have it, the stupidest, most stupid, most stupidest man was in charge of corpers at my place of posting. He did not give acceptance letter till 5pm and to get to Abuja from Lafia would take me about 3 hours and another hour to get to the airport. Hmmm… my dear friends, I risked it o. I got into a bus to Abuja at exactly 6:00p.m. The bus didn’t move till 6:30pm.
First, that day I prayed for divine favour and that was what I got all through. I met a fellow corper in the bus who asked the driver how long it will take and the man promised to get to Abuja before 8:30. my mistake, however, was that I needed to get to the airport not just Abuja before that time. the driver sped like crazy. I thought I had seen crazy drivers. ( femi taiwo and babalola don’t hold a candle to this guy). I covered a 2 and a half hour journey in exactly 2 hours with stops on the way o!
At exactly 8:30, I got to Maraba. Obviously I had missed my flight, right? My God delayed the flight! Halleluyah! My friend, funmi who was supposed to have left for 8pm was still calling me to find out where I was. She was the one who told me the flight was delayed. So while she was helping me stall at the airport, I was trying to find my way there.
The corper and another good Samaritan who was going towards the airport followed me in a cab from maraba to nyanya(hope I got the spelling). At Nyanya, the corper (is this spelling right cos my computer keeps checking it), dropped off, got my number so he could keep in touch and find out if I made it and I moved on to Area 1 with the other man whose name I do not know. If not for the man I would have been duped of 3,500 that the stupid cab man asked for. Any how I got a cab for 1,500 and was told it would take me 30 mins to an hour to get to the airport because of Lupe/Nupe traffic.
By 9:30pm, we got to Lupe/Nupe and there was no traffic at all. Isn’t my God great? Even the cab guy was surprised. The good Samaritan got down at a place called Lugbe, I think. He got my number too. The cab man sped as much as he could and within 15 minutes I was at the airport. Funmi had already told me not to bother because they were boarding already as the flight was for 9:45pm. I got to the airport at 9:55. now this is where the major miracle began.
I first had to beg the attendant to let me into the terminal. That took about 3 minutes, it took me about 2 minutes to get to the runway. But God allowed me get there just in time to see the plane. I called for them not to move the stairs yet, the captain had seen me and was waving for me to come but one stupid foolish wicked man that God used stopped me because I didn’t have a boarding pass. (their systems were down). My brothers and sisters that was how I watched the plane take-off right in my very before. I was crying like a baby. My already bulgy eyes were popping out.
The other staff members came to beg me and told me that the hardened wicked man was the manager and he should have at least allowed me since I was in my corper uniform. Then one angel of God remembered that another plane was leaving at that minute to Lagos but it was a private plane. I told him that I did not mind and I would beg.
To cut the long story short, when I got to the private plane, the captain was already shutting the door, I begged them and the man in the plane asked me to go in.
My brethren in the Lord, that was how I came back to Lagos in a private jet with the GMD of Oando at exactly 11pm. No be lie and no be joke.
PRAISE THE LORD!!!
Special thanks to Femi Taiwo, Funmi Olubanwo, Yemi Adedokun, Muyiwa and to the Samaritans whose names I do not know. I love you all for being there for me.
And to my mother, your worries over me will not be in vain o.
Now for my next miracle in Nasarawa. I know He has a plan for me.
www.milzonome.blogspot.com
Now I’m not writing any wise notes…nope, I am only thanking God for the miraculous miracle that he did for me on the 31st of March, 2010. Never in my life would I have thought that such a thing would happen to me. My life became a Hollywood movie over night.
It all started on the day we left camp and I got my posting letter to Lafia, the state capital, which was 2 hrs away from keffi where the camp was based. By the time I got to lafia, it was too late for me to get anything done concerning my clearance so I had to lodge in an hotel for the night. Hoping that by the next day I would be done on time to catch my flight from Abuja to lagos by 8:30pm.
As God would have it, the stupidest, most stupid, most stupidest man was in charge of corpers at my place of posting. He did not give acceptance letter till 5pm and to get to Abuja from Lafia would take me about 3 hours and another hour to get to the airport. Hmmm… my dear friends, I risked it o. I got into a bus to Abuja at exactly 6:00p.m. The bus didn’t move till 6:30pm.
First, that day I prayed for divine favour and that was what I got all through. I met a fellow corper in the bus who asked the driver how long it will take and the man promised to get to Abuja before 8:30. my mistake, however, was that I needed to get to the airport not just Abuja before that time. the driver sped like crazy. I thought I had seen crazy drivers. ( femi taiwo and babalola don’t hold a candle to this guy). I covered a 2 and a half hour journey in exactly 2 hours with stops on the way o!
At exactly 8:30, I got to Maraba. Obviously I had missed my flight, right? My God delayed the flight! Halleluyah! My friend, funmi who was supposed to have left for 8pm was still calling me to find out where I was. She was the one who told me the flight was delayed. So while she was helping me stall at the airport, I was trying to find my way there.
The corper and another good Samaritan who was going towards the airport followed me in a cab from maraba to nyanya(hope I got the spelling). At Nyanya, the corper (is this spelling right cos my computer keeps checking it), dropped off, got my number so he could keep in touch and find out if I made it and I moved on to Area 1 with the other man whose name I do not know. If not for the man I would have been duped of 3,500 that the stupid cab man asked for. Any how I got a cab for 1,500 and was told it would take me 30 mins to an hour to get to the airport because of Lupe/Nupe traffic.
By 9:30pm, we got to Lupe/Nupe and there was no traffic at all. Isn’t my God great? Even the cab guy was surprised. The good Samaritan got down at a place called Lugbe, I think. He got my number too. The cab man sped as much as he could and within 15 minutes I was at the airport. Funmi had already told me not to bother because they were boarding already as the flight was for 9:45pm. I got to the airport at 9:55. now this is where the major miracle began.
I first had to beg the attendant to let me into the terminal. That took about 3 minutes, it took me about 2 minutes to get to the runway. But God allowed me get there just in time to see the plane. I called for them not to move the stairs yet, the captain had seen me and was waving for me to come but one stupid foolish wicked man that God used stopped me because I didn’t have a boarding pass. (their systems were down). My brothers and sisters that was how I watched the plane take-off right in my very before. I was crying like a baby. My already bulgy eyes were popping out.
The other staff members came to beg me and told me that the hardened wicked man was the manager and he should have at least allowed me since I was in my corper uniform. Then one angel of God remembered that another plane was leaving at that minute to Lagos but it was a private plane. I told him that I did not mind and I would beg.
To cut the long story short, when I got to the private plane, the captain was already shutting the door, I begged them and the man in the plane asked me to go in.
My brethren in the Lord, that was how I came back to Lagos in a private jet with the GMD of Oando at exactly 11pm. No be lie and no be joke.
PRAISE THE LORD!!!
Special thanks to Femi Taiwo, Funmi Olubanwo, Yemi Adedokun, Muyiwa and to the Samaritans whose names I do not know. I love you all for being there for me.
And to my mother, your worries over me will not be in vain o.
Now for my next miracle in Nasarawa. I know He has a plan for me.
www.milzonome.blogspot.com
1.3.10
And The Stress begins...
So, remember how sometime back, I told you I didn’t know what to do with my life. Well, the story has changed as I got a job recently (and all on my own, no connection). Some weeks back, I was online checking a popular job hunting site and I applied for a couple of jobs. Well, on Monday “jejely” was I, on my own o when I got a text to come for an interview.
My first thought was that I was going for my NYSC in a few weeks (yes God did that too, June changed to March), so I did not see a reason to go for the interview. The only reason I ended up going was so I could have a taste of what the interview was about.
My very first interview, wow! Funny enough, I wasn’t nervous at all. Apart from the fact that I did not know what to wear, what to say or what to do, I was just dandy. Anyway, I got there right on time and had to wait an hour to be interviewed.
My interview was SWEET. I liked my interviewer, I felt confident and I was all smiles. Then my bubble got burst. There was no point giving me a job when I would leave soon. I wasn’t sad (honestly). I was just glad that my first interview ever was a breeze.
Then on my way out, I was asked to wait to get re-interviewed (to put it that way). This time I got to show some posts on my blog (did I mention it is a writing gig and some other things too, but that is for me not you). He loved it (okay maybe that is stretching it a bit- he liked it). Now I know my wonderful friends have supported me but for an employee to love my blog enough to want to pay me, that was my stamp of greatness (lol). I was asked to start work immediately. Yep! ( I didn’t get home until 9 pm- did I mention it is on the island). I was immediately put to write an article that was to be published the next day. My title- clubs! I mean I get paid to write about clubs, partying ( I know, right?). BUT I was to write about the problems of clubbing not the fun part. Sha sha, at the end of work day when my boss asked me how my first day was (yes, he is nice like that, although he seems like he can be annoyingly strict). I had no idea what to say to him,
Y? because it had not hit me that I was actually working.. it did, however hit me like a stiletto on the head when I had to wake up by 5:30 the next day.
But still all is well, IF it ends well.
Pls pray that it does o
p.s my boss is on fb (for now…lmao)
Folu, Munwa, we are 4geda now *wink*
Xoxo
Working girl!!!
www.milzonome.blogspot.com
My first thought was that I was going for my NYSC in a few weeks (yes God did that too, June changed to March), so I did not see a reason to go for the interview. The only reason I ended up going was so I could have a taste of what the interview was about.
My very first interview, wow! Funny enough, I wasn’t nervous at all. Apart from the fact that I did not know what to wear, what to say or what to do, I was just dandy. Anyway, I got there right on time and had to wait an hour to be interviewed.
My interview was SWEET. I liked my interviewer, I felt confident and I was all smiles. Then my bubble got burst. There was no point giving me a job when I would leave soon. I wasn’t sad (honestly). I was just glad that my first interview ever was a breeze.
Then on my way out, I was asked to wait to get re-interviewed (to put it that way). This time I got to show some posts on my blog (did I mention it is a writing gig and some other things too, but that is for me not you). He loved it (okay maybe that is stretching it a bit- he liked it). Now I know my wonderful friends have supported me but for an employee to love my blog enough to want to pay me, that was my stamp of greatness (lol). I was asked to start work immediately. Yep! ( I didn’t get home until 9 pm- did I mention it is on the island). I was immediately put to write an article that was to be published the next day. My title- clubs! I mean I get paid to write about clubs, partying ( I know, right?). BUT I was to write about the problems of clubbing not the fun part. Sha sha, at the end of work day when my boss asked me how my first day was (yes, he is nice like that, although he seems like he can be annoyingly strict). I had no idea what to say to him,
Y? because it had not hit me that I was actually working.. it did, however hit me like a stiletto on the head when I had to wake up by 5:30 the next day.
But still all is well, IF it ends well.
Pls pray that it does o
p.s my boss is on fb (for now…lmao)
Folu, Munwa, we are 4geda now *wink*
Xoxo
Working girl!!!
www.milzonome.blogspot.com
19.2.10
Gidi Hustle
Yawn…, the young conductor rouses and checks his time… it is 5:45am. Gosh, are they late! What kind of life is this? He wakes his older colleague (driver) and tells him they are running late. The driver quickly rises and they both rush to the bathroom. S**t, Iya Risi and her children are already in the bathroom. The conductor rushes to the toilet while the driver goes to the wall, both to ease themselves. The driver shouts to Iya Risi in the bathroom to hurry up as she isn’t the only one there. “o wa wo mi jade” (come and pull me out now) says Iya Risi. The driver, getting really upset starts out to insult her when the conductor begs him to shut it and apologizes to Iya Risi while begging her to hurry. Fifteen minutes later, she comes out with her children murmuring. For lack of time, the driver and conductor go into the bathroom together.
Iya Risi takes her children in and orders the elder child to dress both herself and her siblings while she goes to wake her lazy husband working as a bricklayer in a house being built on their street. She begins to dress up while thinking of how she hoped the akara woman would sell early today so she could get some food for her children before they left for school. Thirty minutes and 50 naira akara later, she walks her children out of the house just as the driver and conductor drive their danfo bus out. She turns left towards her children’s school while the danfo bus goes right. The conductor watched her go but his mind was actually wasn’t with her for he was praying that he made enough profit today.
Some hours and about 20 rounds later, the conductor whose throat was sore from shouting the same thing over and over again (“mile 2-wharf” to and “osho! Oshod!! Oshodi!!!” fro) stopped a boy selling pure water. The boy, not having sold much all day rushed to the bus. He gave his conductor his change and ran back to the side of the road. He prayed that he would sell the bag he had on time so he could go and get another one. He thought about his ailing mother and his little sister whom he had to drop secondary school for so she could finish her primary education, looked up to heaven and prayed. At that very moment, a woman rushing to enter a bus hit him and almost knocked him over. The woman got into the bus first before she looked back at him to apologize. She tried bringing out her purse to pay the conductor but it was too difficult as the load she carried was too much and her wallet was too deep to find. She decided to leave it, thinking she would pay just before she got out of the bus. The conductor spoke to her rudely but she was too happy to be offended as she was carrying some goods she had been waiting for for so long. Now, she thought, I would be able to give this money to my husband to pay for the house rent this month.
At her bus-stop, just before she got down, a school girl in her uniform stepped on her in an attempt to get down before her. She shouted after the girl but the school girl was too much in a hurry to hear her. The young teenager was petrified at the punishment she was going to get from her mother. See, this young s.s.2 girl, due to peer pressure, was dating a guy much older than her and in his final year in the University. She had gone to pay him a visit after school and had lost track of time. What beating she was going to get from her mother today!!! She thought. Of which, she hadn’t seen her period this month and it’s already the 28th… At that point in time, an okada man who was obviously high on “igbo” and “paraga” breezed past her, the lady behind (dressed in a flashy manner) had her pants pulled down such that her butt crack along with half of her butt was out in the open.
The lady, however, hardly took any notice of it because she was very angry at her boyfriend whom she had just found with another woman in his house. She got down at her bust stop and crossed the road, all the while wondering if she was ever going to marry as most of her friends had been married. Lost in thought, she almost got hit by a Camry 2.4. The man in it seemed young but was married; however the woman beside him was not his wife. He looked to the damsel on his side (unaware that he had almost hit a woman) and thought of the fun he was going to have at the hotel he was going. The lady, on the other hand was thinking of the clothes she would buy for her friends party after she had collected the money for the night. When the car stopped in traffic, she looked outside the window at a handsome man in his Toyota Tundra driving alone. The man looked at her, she smiled; he smiled back and turned away. As soon as the traffic cleared, he drove off and all he could think about was how he would surprise his wife with the things he had bought for her in order to celebrate the contract he had just been awarded. Oh, he couldn’t wait!
He could smell the aroma of his favourite soup from the gate of his house. His wife was truly an amazing woman. He smiled as he saw his son rush out to greet him, his mother following not too far behind. His ears almost went deaf as she screamed when he told her the news. He settled on the dining table to eat with his family and thought how wonderfully favoured he was to have such success both in marriage and business. Life indeed was good.
At 12 midnight, while all was asleep, each with their issues, problems and dreams, the streets were finally at rest and Gidi town could finally be at peace. That is until the rise of dawn. Then it would be a new day, a new hustle.
Iya Risi takes her children in and orders the elder child to dress both herself and her siblings while she goes to wake her lazy husband working as a bricklayer in a house being built on their street. She begins to dress up while thinking of how she hoped the akara woman would sell early today so she could get some food for her children before they left for school. Thirty minutes and 50 naira akara later, she walks her children out of the house just as the driver and conductor drive their danfo bus out. She turns left towards her children’s school while the danfo bus goes right. The conductor watched her go but his mind was actually wasn’t with her for he was praying that he made enough profit today.
Some hours and about 20 rounds later, the conductor whose throat was sore from shouting the same thing over and over again (“mile 2-wharf” to and “osho! Oshod!! Oshodi!!!” fro) stopped a boy selling pure water. The boy, not having sold much all day rushed to the bus. He gave his conductor his change and ran back to the side of the road. He prayed that he would sell the bag he had on time so he could go and get another one. He thought about his ailing mother and his little sister whom he had to drop secondary school for so she could finish her primary education, looked up to heaven and prayed. At that very moment, a woman rushing to enter a bus hit him and almost knocked him over. The woman got into the bus first before she looked back at him to apologize. She tried bringing out her purse to pay the conductor but it was too difficult as the load she carried was too much and her wallet was too deep to find. She decided to leave it, thinking she would pay just before she got out of the bus. The conductor spoke to her rudely but she was too happy to be offended as she was carrying some goods she had been waiting for for so long. Now, she thought, I would be able to give this money to my husband to pay for the house rent this month.
At her bus-stop, just before she got down, a school girl in her uniform stepped on her in an attempt to get down before her. She shouted after the girl but the school girl was too much in a hurry to hear her. The young teenager was petrified at the punishment she was going to get from her mother. See, this young s.s.2 girl, due to peer pressure, was dating a guy much older than her and in his final year in the University. She had gone to pay him a visit after school and had lost track of time. What beating she was going to get from her mother today!!! She thought. Of which, she hadn’t seen her period this month and it’s already the 28th… At that point in time, an okada man who was obviously high on “igbo” and “paraga” breezed past her, the lady behind (dressed in a flashy manner) had her pants pulled down such that her butt crack along with half of her butt was out in the open.
The lady, however, hardly took any notice of it because she was very angry at her boyfriend whom she had just found with another woman in his house. She got down at her bust stop and crossed the road, all the while wondering if she was ever going to marry as most of her friends had been married. Lost in thought, she almost got hit by a Camry 2.4. The man in it seemed young but was married; however the woman beside him was not his wife. He looked to the damsel on his side (unaware that he had almost hit a woman) and thought of the fun he was going to have at the hotel he was going. The lady, on the other hand was thinking of the clothes she would buy for her friends party after she had collected the money for the night. When the car stopped in traffic, she looked outside the window at a handsome man in his Toyota Tundra driving alone. The man looked at her, she smiled; he smiled back and turned away. As soon as the traffic cleared, he drove off and all he could think about was how he would surprise his wife with the things he had bought for her in order to celebrate the contract he had just been awarded. Oh, he couldn’t wait!
He could smell the aroma of his favourite soup from the gate of his house. His wife was truly an amazing woman. He smiled as he saw his son rush out to greet him, his mother following not too far behind. His ears almost went deaf as she screamed when he told her the news. He settled on the dining table to eat with his family and thought how wonderfully favoured he was to have such success both in marriage and business. Life indeed was good.
At 12 midnight, while all was asleep, each with their issues, problems and dreams, the streets were finally at rest and Gidi town could finally be at peace. That is until the rise of dawn. Then it would be a new day, a new hustle.
15.2.10
Live to Learn
They say the strong one is the one who learns from his mistakes. True! But just how do you learn from your mistakes and just how easy is it to. As a child, you learn the importance of tying your shoe laces from tripping a couple of times on an undone shoe lace. As a teenage girl, you learn the importance of wearing the right pad or changing your sanitary pad after getting stained a couple of times. You even learn how to lie better to your parents, after being caught loads of times. Little things like this help us in understanding how to learn from your mistakes.
What they do not tell you however, is that as you grow older, learning from your mistakes become difficult. What is even more difficult is being able to discern what your mistakes really were? In a failed relationship, for example, how do you know where you went wrong? Was it in loving your partner a tad much or not loving enough? Was it taking your partner over your friends or vice versa? Was it in having sex too soon or too late? Was it showing your love too much or not showing at all? Was it being too materialistic or too demanding? Was it being too secure and comfortable or too insecure and on edge?
Life and Love isn’t like cooking. You can not easily pin point that there was too much salt or too little pepper, it is more grueling to identify your faux pas. Sometimes you have an idea that you are making a mistake in the process but for lack of whatever it is, you go ahead. And if you choose to pick the action of taking into account the consequences, fate just might throw a surprise at you, as the foreseen effect of a decision could change course or have a full turn around. For example, you think that leaving a current boyfriend for a not very well known guy may lead to eventual sadness, but what if that other unknown guy becomes your husband. Unfortunately, no one tells you this. Instead they dish out advice, sayings and idioms like life is as simple as following a cook book or laid out recipe. Even the chefs get it wrong sometimes, so how much more ordinary people.
Another thing is people thinking that they can determine your mistakes for you. There is always one guide book, friend, family, prophet or ex who thinks they can tell you what you should or should not do[in your best interest… of course]. The worst of all is when you beat yourself up over an already done deed…My God, get over yourself already!!!
They say there is a destiny for every one and you can destroy it with mistakes. Well, I say if my path changes because of something I did, then maybe, just maybe, that was my destiny all along! The oversights in life involve meticulous attention and grace of God. So, I am not saying live life without caution, all I am saying is if you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up about it. Move on and next time, (whenever and whatever it is) weigh your options and do what pleases you and pleases God!
My point? You can never truly learn from your mistakes. Not in life and definitely not in Love!!! But when a certain regrettable and sad occurrence becomes one too many, it might be time to stop it. In the end, just live right and answer to no one but yourself and God.
What they do not tell you however, is that as you grow older, learning from your mistakes become difficult. What is even more difficult is being able to discern what your mistakes really were? In a failed relationship, for example, how do you know where you went wrong? Was it in loving your partner a tad much or not loving enough? Was it taking your partner over your friends or vice versa? Was it in having sex too soon or too late? Was it showing your love too much or not showing at all? Was it being too materialistic or too demanding? Was it being too secure and comfortable or too insecure and on edge?
Life and Love isn’t like cooking. You can not easily pin point that there was too much salt or too little pepper, it is more grueling to identify your faux pas. Sometimes you have an idea that you are making a mistake in the process but for lack of whatever it is, you go ahead. And if you choose to pick the action of taking into account the consequences, fate just might throw a surprise at you, as the foreseen effect of a decision could change course or have a full turn around. For example, you think that leaving a current boyfriend for a not very well known guy may lead to eventual sadness, but what if that other unknown guy becomes your husband. Unfortunately, no one tells you this. Instead they dish out advice, sayings and idioms like life is as simple as following a cook book or laid out recipe. Even the chefs get it wrong sometimes, so how much more ordinary people.
Another thing is people thinking that they can determine your mistakes for you. There is always one guide book, friend, family, prophet or ex who thinks they can tell you what you should or should not do[in your best interest… of course]. The worst of all is when you beat yourself up over an already done deed…My God, get over yourself already!!!
They say there is a destiny for every one and you can destroy it with mistakes. Well, I say if my path changes because of something I did, then maybe, just maybe, that was my destiny all along! The oversights in life involve meticulous attention and grace of God. So, I am not saying live life without caution, all I am saying is if you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up about it. Move on and next time, (whenever and whatever it is) weigh your options and do what pleases you and pleases God!
My point? You can never truly learn from your mistakes. Not in life and definitely not in Love!!! But when a certain regrettable and sad occurrence becomes one too many, it might be time to stop it. In the end, just live right and answer to no one but yourself and God.
23.1.10
Friendship or "Funship"?
Yoruba people say “ko sore mo, a nta ma barin lo ku” which basically means there are no friends anymore, there are only people to hang out with. I just finished watching all the seasons of Sex and the City and presently in the middle of both the book and series of another work by the same writer “Candace Bushnell”- Lipstick Jungle. The very obvious undertone to both best selling books (Sex and the city was first a book) is friendship. In sex and the city, there is this friendship between four women who grow and experience life together. They become more than just friends, they become sisters. Every episode showed how they each grew in their individual ways but always managed to simulate into one big lesson. What struck me was that these four strong and independent women were dependent on themselves but not in an annoying way, they respected themselves and knew their differences and yet imbibed it into each other’s way of living. They somehow managed to accept and incorporate Samantha’s wild life and complement it with the high contrast of Charlotte’s conservative and traditional life which always seemed to go along with the feministic ways of Miranda and of course all this was under the umbrella of Carrie’s open-mindedness. They told tell each other every little, shameful, embarrassing detail of their lives. How is it that four very different women can harmonize into this beautiful life that glued people to their seats, week after week?
What I am about to say applies to both male and female, but I will refer to the female for the most part. ( get over it guys, we spend all of our lives being termed “man” for generalization- change is good sometimes).
It is naturally thought that to become friends, you all have to share almost if not everything in common. Well, I disagree. I believe that two people from different sides of the world or moral conduct can become friends as long as they understand each other. A darling once told me that a relationship only ends when one party stops trying and I think it also works in friendships. Unfortunately, I think that friendships now are about partying and gossiping. I say, any friendship based on gossiping about others is not good because one who gossips to you about another would gossip about you to another. Don’t get me wrong, gossips are needed in every friendship, of course, it’s what we women do (and men too- especially them, though they never admit it) but it shouldn’t be the basis of your friendship.
Whatever happened to the Sex and the City type friendship, where you tell each other every thing? How can you have a friend you cannot talk to about your problems? Whatever the reason might be, a friend you cannot confide in, is an acquaintance, a gist partner, not a friend! A true friend is the one who stands by you when you are down, and when you are celebrating; she pops the champagne for you. When you are doing something wrong, she stands beside you to whisper a warning into your ear not stand miles away to shout that warning so every one would hear that she is “being a good friend” and helping out. And if you do not listen to her, she does not say “I told you so” or “I warned her” when things go wrong, she is right there with a box of tissue. A true friend is the one who doesn’t wait for you to ask for her help, she offers the help and if you refuse it, she doesn’t stay away, NO, she gives it subtly without you realizing it. A true friend is the one you can tell about your father and his antics, your mother and her problems. The one you can trash your boyfriend to one minute and who would still help you dress up for a date with him the next with a big smile. A friend is one you can call at 3 am, crying or just to gist because you are bored. A friend is one who understands when you have to spend more time with someone else and less time with her and who will welcome you with open arms when you do come to spend time with her. A true friend knows when to cry with you or the time make you cry, laugh with you or when to make you laugh.
A true friend accepts who and what you are and finds a way to run with it. A true friend does not tolerate you, she accepts you. A true friend loves you BECAUSE of your faults not INSPITE of them. A friend will not try to use your weak points for her advantage. A true friend is the one who know the right buttons to push in order to manipulate you but would never push those buttons except in emergency. She is the one who would still run to comfort you in the middle of a fight with her. She is the one who would help you out even when you are not talking to each other. A friend is one who accepts your apology after a fight; a true friend is the one who acts like nothing ever even happened.
A true friend would first fight and vouch for you then come back and ask questions. She would trust your judgment and decisions and would be there to pick up the scattered pieces if she has to. True friendship is when your individual spouses feel like they are married to both you and your friends but at the same time are not drawn into the hole of your friendship. Big, Carrie’s on again-off again boyfriend in Sex and the City for example, had to be approved by all her friends and got along well with them but still had a life with Carrie that did not involve her friends in every matter. Your spouses should be like those extended members of the family that you only get to see on Sunday visits, Christmas day and so on. They are there, close but not “in your face” close.
No matter how hard life is, it pays when you know you have someone you can talk to, laugh with, cry with or gossip with. Some people never find true friends in life and some come close to finding them, but if you do, keep them and if you have a friend you are not sure of, then she probably isn’t true. There is nothing worse than the feeling you get when you feel like you do not have friends you can trust and share things with. But before you jump to question your friends, ask yourself if you are TRULY a true friend. So if you have the lipstick jungle and sex and the city type of friendship, please treasure it because that is not your friend, he or she is your family. Sometimes finding a soul mate or true love does not necessarily mean finding a life partner, husband or wife; it could be finding a true friend.
What I am about to say applies to both male and female, but I will refer to the female for the most part. ( get over it guys, we spend all of our lives being termed “man” for generalization- change is good sometimes).
It is naturally thought that to become friends, you all have to share almost if not everything in common. Well, I disagree. I believe that two people from different sides of the world or moral conduct can become friends as long as they understand each other. A darling once told me that a relationship only ends when one party stops trying and I think it also works in friendships. Unfortunately, I think that friendships now are about partying and gossiping. I say, any friendship based on gossiping about others is not good because one who gossips to you about another would gossip about you to another. Don’t get me wrong, gossips are needed in every friendship, of course, it’s what we women do (and men too- especially them, though they never admit it) but it shouldn’t be the basis of your friendship.
Whatever happened to the Sex and the City type friendship, where you tell each other every thing? How can you have a friend you cannot talk to about your problems? Whatever the reason might be, a friend you cannot confide in, is an acquaintance, a gist partner, not a friend! A true friend is the one who stands by you when you are down, and when you are celebrating; she pops the champagne for you. When you are doing something wrong, she stands beside you to whisper a warning into your ear not stand miles away to shout that warning so every one would hear that she is “being a good friend” and helping out. And if you do not listen to her, she does not say “I told you so” or “I warned her” when things go wrong, she is right there with a box of tissue. A true friend is the one who doesn’t wait for you to ask for her help, she offers the help and if you refuse it, she doesn’t stay away, NO, she gives it subtly without you realizing it. A true friend is the one you can tell about your father and his antics, your mother and her problems. The one you can trash your boyfriend to one minute and who would still help you dress up for a date with him the next with a big smile. A friend is one you can call at 3 am, crying or just to gist because you are bored. A friend is one who understands when you have to spend more time with someone else and less time with her and who will welcome you with open arms when you do come to spend time with her. A true friend knows when to cry with you or the time make you cry, laugh with you or when to make you laugh.
A true friend accepts who and what you are and finds a way to run with it. A true friend does not tolerate you, she accepts you. A true friend loves you BECAUSE of your faults not INSPITE of them. A friend will not try to use your weak points for her advantage. A true friend is the one who know the right buttons to push in order to manipulate you but would never push those buttons except in emergency. She is the one who would still run to comfort you in the middle of a fight with her. She is the one who would help you out even when you are not talking to each other. A friend is one who accepts your apology after a fight; a true friend is the one who acts like nothing ever even happened.
A true friend would first fight and vouch for you then come back and ask questions. She would trust your judgment and decisions and would be there to pick up the scattered pieces if she has to. True friendship is when your individual spouses feel like they are married to both you and your friends but at the same time are not drawn into the hole of your friendship. Big, Carrie’s on again-off again boyfriend in Sex and the City for example, had to be approved by all her friends and got along well with them but still had a life with Carrie that did not involve her friends in every matter. Your spouses should be like those extended members of the family that you only get to see on Sunday visits, Christmas day and so on. They are there, close but not “in your face” close.
No matter how hard life is, it pays when you know you have someone you can talk to, laugh with, cry with or gossip with. Some people never find true friends in life and some come close to finding them, but if you do, keep them and if you have a friend you are not sure of, then she probably isn’t true. There is nothing worse than the feeling you get when you feel like you do not have friends you can trust and share things with. But before you jump to question your friends, ask yourself if you are TRULY a true friend. So if you have the lipstick jungle and sex and the city type of friendship, please treasure it because that is not your friend, he or she is your family. Sometimes finding a soul mate or true love does not necessarily mean finding a life partner, husband or wife; it could be finding a true friend.
Who is to blame?
Recently I found out about the escapades of yet another cheating boyfriend and I got really frustrated, not just because he was cheating constantly (daily) and his girlfriend thought she had the best of boyfriends but because it seems that one cannot find one honest and faithful man anymore. In this new generation of ours, you cannot find one good African man, unlike before when there were at least a few good men. Now, it seems that the young eligible guys of this generation made a pact never to be faithful. No girl dating or married to a man of the 21st century can boast of having a man who has never cheated or whom she is not suspecting of cheating, except of course if the relationship is just three days old.(and that would only be because the man does not own a blackberry). It is so appalling that there is not one faithful male in the world today. Of course, there are different degrees and levels of cheating but I say, call a spade a spade; cheating is cheating.
From utter disgust and frustration, I decided to find out what it was that made the men so out of control in that instead of getting better over the ages, they get worse. My first thought was the all so common excuse; “It’s in their D.N.A”. If cheating flows in their blood streams, how come there are different degrees and why is it that SOME men of the previous generations were able to sustain faithfulness? I also tried to pin it on the “End times” or the fact that the ratio of women to men in the world is 100: 1 but none of these reasons, as reasonable as they might be, really satisfied my curiousity. So I decided that the only way I could come to a passable conclusion was to first analyze the situation of cheating men in our society today; why they cheat but most of all, how come they get away with it on a platter?
Having ignited my thoughts, I chose to analyze the relationship I just found out about. For this guy, not only is he cheating but he is also so confident that his girlfriend can never find out and even if she did, would never believe it. His tactic? Same as every other guy, tell her the situation of things with these girls but conveniently leaving out the fact that he is sleeping with them so that even if the girl finds out something about a girl, she pays no special attention because she had heard about that girl before from her ‘faithful’ partner. The thing, however, is that women have these intrinsic instincts concerning their men but they deliberately ignore it, either to promote trust or peace of mind.
It has been said that there are basic signs to identifying a cheating man but the truth is that there are no basic signs, just instincts that tug at the woman’s mind and lets her know something is up. But most times, she ignores it. This therefore means that the men are not as sleek and coded as they think they are. It just means that the women let them get away with it either on purpose or through blind trust which is basically stupid ignorance. So, if the men are not always successful in totally hiding their evil deeds, then why do they eventually get away with cheating? Even when they are caught, they still do get away with it. But just why do men get away with these things-because the women allow them! Which is why the rate of cheating men is directly equivalent to the rate of increase in desperate and ignorant, dependent women in the society.
As much as we hurt from the antics of our men, we women are the only reasons they continue to cheat. Tell a girlfriend that her boyfriend is cheating on her; she either stops talking to you or stays with the boyfriend even after confrontation. Even when caught red-handed, the man still manages to convince the willing girlfriend to stay. In the case of marriage, the woman is told by her family (women) that she has to bear the brunt in order to keep her family and children intact. It is considered natural to go through these things and excuses are even made for the husband, sometimes the woman is blamed for pushing her husband out of the house to another woman’s arms for solace and comfort. Whereas, in the same marriage, a woman is immediately chastised and thrown out if she cheats. The man conveniently forgets his children and family name and those same women who encouraged the wife to stay are quick to scold her, forgetting that she probably lacked some much needed attention from her husband. It is considered absurd if a woman complains of little sex or attention from her husband. In Africa, when a woman cheats, she has committed an abomination and is castigated but when a man cheats, he has fully come into manhood and is given a pat on the back.
Another side to the story is that of the girls with whom the man cheats. These are the girls who know that the men they are with have partners but still go ahead either just because they do not care or because due to some insane obsession, they hope for a divorce or breakup. In this scenario, the women are to be blamed again. Women have placed men on such high pedestals that they backstab and hurt themselves in order to get them. Drop a man this minute, no matter how ugly, poor, disrespectful or abusive he is and about two hundred girls are ready to take him just as he is. So how exactly is he supposed to learn from his mistakes? It is almost like the world is now a jungle full of desperate women that have to fight and kill themselves over the few men left in the wild. And for what exactly, Just to have a new surname? (Because quite frankly, I am yet to find a guy who is actually worth it)
You find women holding on to the men they have, just because “going to another man is like moving from frying pan to fire”, “ they are all the same, so why not hold on to the one you have managed to tame”, and the oh so famous “ the devil you know is better than the angel you do not know”. See, my problem with that theory is this, known or unknown, an angel beats the devil any day, light will always overshadow darkness either the source of the light is known or not.
So ladies, this is it. We are the cause of our own problems. We settle for less, allow these men continue with their antics and then come back to cry. Men are like babies, they want to do what you tell them not to and until they get a serious beating or get hurt, they will not stop. So, its either you “beat” that man that cheats on you or at least make sure he regrets it or continue to live in silence and backstabbing and make more monsters in the guise of the male specie.
I would have said if you can’t beat them join them but in the end, the men are more strict and would send you away the moment you cheat. But if we must suffer with these cheats, then we should be allowed to kiss a few other men at the very least and if you are married, well, there are other ways to tame your man. And for those girls out there with the sole purpose of grabbing other women’s men, my advice is if you can not get a man of your own, then become a lesbian.
But on a more serious note, my advice goes thus: we have heard the likes of Beyonce with “if I were a boy” , Ciara and a lot more women, Ladies, it is time to clean those tears, make your points known, stand your grounds and ironically, Be a Man! And as harsh as this may seem, trust your instincts, not your man!
From utter disgust and frustration, I decided to find out what it was that made the men so out of control in that instead of getting better over the ages, they get worse. My first thought was the all so common excuse; “It’s in their D.N.A”. If cheating flows in their blood streams, how come there are different degrees and why is it that SOME men of the previous generations were able to sustain faithfulness? I also tried to pin it on the “End times” or the fact that the ratio of women to men in the world is 100: 1 but none of these reasons, as reasonable as they might be, really satisfied my curiousity. So I decided that the only way I could come to a passable conclusion was to first analyze the situation of cheating men in our society today; why they cheat but most of all, how come they get away with it on a platter?
Having ignited my thoughts, I chose to analyze the relationship I just found out about. For this guy, not only is he cheating but he is also so confident that his girlfriend can never find out and even if she did, would never believe it. His tactic? Same as every other guy, tell her the situation of things with these girls but conveniently leaving out the fact that he is sleeping with them so that even if the girl finds out something about a girl, she pays no special attention because she had heard about that girl before from her ‘faithful’ partner. The thing, however, is that women have these intrinsic instincts concerning their men but they deliberately ignore it, either to promote trust or peace of mind.
It has been said that there are basic signs to identifying a cheating man but the truth is that there are no basic signs, just instincts that tug at the woman’s mind and lets her know something is up. But most times, she ignores it. This therefore means that the men are not as sleek and coded as they think they are. It just means that the women let them get away with it either on purpose or through blind trust which is basically stupid ignorance. So, if the men are not always successful in totally hiding their evil deeds, then why do they eventually get away with cheating? Even when they are caught, they still do get away with it. But just why do men get away with these things-because the women allow them! Which is why the rate of cheating men is directly equivalent to the rate of increase in desperate and ignorant, dependent women in the society.
As much as we hurt from the antics of our men, we women are the only reasons they continue to cheat. Tell a girlfriend that her boyfriend is cheating on her; she either stops talking to you or stays with the boyfriend even after confrontation. Even when caught red-handed, the man still manages to convince the willing girlfriend to stay. In the case of marriage, the woman is told by her family (women) that she has to bear the brunt in order to keep her family and children intact. It is considered natural to go through these things and excuses are even made for the husband, sometimes the woman is blamed for pushing her husband out of the house to another woman’s arms for solace and comfort. Whereas, in the same marriage, a woman is immediately chastised and thrown out if she cheats. The man conveniently forgets his children and family name and those same women who encouraged the wife to stay are quick to scold her, forgetting that she probably lacked some much needed attention from her husband. It is considered absurd if a woman complains of little sex or attention from her husband. In Africa, when a woman cheats, she has committed an abomination and is castigated but when a man cheats, he has fully come into manhood and is given a pat on the back.
Another side to the story is that of the girls with whom the man cheats. These are the girls who know that the men they are with have partners but still go ahead either just because they do not care or because due to some insane obsession, they hope for a divorce or breakup. In this scenario, the women are to be blamed again. Women have placed men on such high pedestals that they backstab and hurt themselves in order to get them. Drop a man this minute, no matter how ugly, poor, disrespectful or abusive he is and about two hundred girls are ready to take him just as he is. So how exactly is he supposed to learn from his mistakes? It is almost like the world is now a jungle full of desperate women that have to fight and kill themselves over the few men left in the wild. And for what exactly, Just to have a new surname? (Because quite frankly, I am yet to find a guy who is actually worth it)
You find women holding on to the men they have, just because “going to another man is like moving from frying pan to fire”, “ they are all the same, so why not hold on to the one you have managed to tame”, and the oh so famous “ the devil you know is better than the angel you do not know”. See, my problem with that theory is this, known or unknown, an angel beats the devil any day, light will always overshadow darkness either the source of the light is known or not.
So ladies, this is it. We are the cause of our own problems. We settle for less, allow these men continue with their antics and then come back to cry. Men are like babies, they want to do what you tell them not to and until they get a serious beating or get hurt, they will not stop. So, its either you “beat” that man that cheats on you or at least make sure he regrets it or continue to live in silence and backstabbing and make more monsters in the guise of the male specie.
I would have said if you can’t beat them join them but in the end, the men are more strict and would send you away the moment you cheat. But if we must suffer with these cheats, then we should be allowed to kiss a few other men at the very least and if you are married, well, there are other ways to tame your man. And for those girls out there with the sole purpose of grabbing other women’s men, my advice is if you can not get a man of your own, then become a lesbian.
But on a more serious note, my advice goes thus: we have heard the likes of Beyonce with “if I were a boy” , Ciara and a lot more women, Ladies, it is time to clean those tears, make your points known, stand your grounds and ironically, Be a Man! And as harsh as this may seem, trust your instincts, not your man!
BIG PAUSE
Happy New Year y’all! It is a new year and for me, a new chapter in my life has begun. How? My convocation was some days ago which I am now officially be fit to be called a graduate.
“What next?” While my whole family was planning my graduation party, this was one of the many questions that were going through my head. When I was a lot younger, I remember my parents being told that I was growing up too fast and that it would affect me later in life. At an age where others were in primary 4 or 5, I was in J. S 1. I finished secondary school at an age where my mates where in S.S 1. I was doing really well in school and I thought those people where chatting bullocks but now looking at the way things are, I am just beginning to think that maybe, just maybe they were right. Okay so I finished last year and my convocation is in a few days time. I am actually really through with school, my first degree at least. The funny thing is that in Secondary School, I was looking forward to the end of my 6 years but this time, I just wanted one more year to at least clear my head and decide what to do with my life. But unfortunately, I have no extra year, so basically, I am done and with good grades I might add. For the past four years, all the problems that came my way were easy to cross because I just buried myself in my studies. Not like I had no social life whatsoever, its just that it was nice to have something important to do when the world just seemed not to be able to stop throwing all those lemons. It was good to know that even though the weekend was bad and some things happened that made me feel bad about myself over the weekend, I could go to class on Monday, where things went just fine and I could regain my confidence in being able to do something right. Truth is, school was an escape route for me. When my family was being lead stars of fuji house of commotion and my boyfriend was being a jerk and my friends were being annoying, there was always a Logic or Marxist course that made me feel better. School was the only form of stability in my life. It was nothing like the continuous ups and downs of my relationship or subsequent fights with my friends or the disintegration of my family, or rocky status of my finance. It was different. My grades never failed, the lecturers never changed, the courses although different had a certain similarity to them. Basically, my classes were my therapy.
And now, all so soon, it is coming to an end. No place to run to when I needed to get away from parents or run from, away from friends. No freedom for night crawling, party hopping, “sleep overs”. In a matter of weeks, my four years reached a climax and still like the first day I entered the gates of the campus, my future was bleak and blurry. I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. And all I wanted was one more year to be able to make something of my mumbled up mind but that wasn’t to happen. And on my final paper, I was both elated and demoralized. I felt like a child who, although had the maddest fun at the party, was being locked out for coming home late. Suddenly, after what seemed like a long time, four years ago, I felt like I had been thrown out in the cold and with not as much as a jacket.
I always thought that by the end of my University life, my life would be ordered. I had always thought that I would simply follow a sort of laid- out path created by the University. But now, I feel like I am being forced to grow up and make my own path. And to try the idea of living each day as it comes can not work because life is moving ahead and as the saying goes “time waits for no one.” My uncle asked me the other day what I planned to do now that I had graduated, and I had no tangible answer. The first thing I know is that I want to be rich and independent, (of course), the other thing is I want to write. But does writing make any thing in this country? I am not a novel writer or a script writer, or I don’t think I am, so how do I make it writing? I don’t even know if I want to work in an official office, like formal office or a more laid-back office? I am too interested in a lot of things that I do not have any particular specification.
Well at least there is youth service in February, right? Wrong!!! Apparently I have to wait till June for that. So now I have roughly six months to do something productive with myself. People, I need help!!! What do I do with myself? AARRGGHHH!!!!! It is actually true, education is not everything and it is not the beginning or end of your life. Sometimes, even, it can be quite useless in the path which one’s life would follow.
“What next?” While my whole family was planning my graduation party, this was one of the many questions that were going through my head. When I was a lot younger, I remember my parents being told that I was growing up too fast and that it would affect me later in life. At an age where others were in primary 4 or 5, I was in J. S 1. I finished secondary school at an age where my mates where in S.S 1. I was doing really well in school and I thought those people where chatting bullocks but now looking at the way things are, I am just beginning to think that maybe, just maybe they were right. Okay so I finished last year and my convocation is in a few days time. I am actually really through with school, my first degree at least. The funny thing is that in Secondary School, I was looking forward to the end of my 6 years but this time, I just wanted one more year to at least clear my head and decide what to do with my life. But unfortunately, I have no extra year, so basically, I am done and with good grades I might add. For the past four years, all the problems that came my way were easy to cross because I just buried myself in my studies. Not like I had no social life whatsoever, its just that it was nice to have something important to do when the world just seemed not to be able to stop throwing all those lemons. It was good to know that even though the weekend was bad and some things happened that made me feel bad about myself over the weekend, I could go to class on Monday, where things went just fine and I could regain my confidence in being able to do something right. Truth is, school was an escape route for me. When my family was being lead stars of fuji house of commotion and my boyfriend was being a jerk and my friends were being annoying, there was always a Logic or Marxist course that made me feel better. School was the only form of stability in my life. It was nothing like the continuous ups and downs of my relationship or subsequent fights with my friends or the disintegration of my family, or rocky status of my finance. It was different. My grades never failed, the lecturers never changed, the courses although different had a certain similarity to them. Basically, my classes were my therapy.
And now, all so soon, it is coming to an end. No place to run to when I needed to get away from parents or run from, away from friends. No freedom for night crawling, party hopping, “sleep overs”. In a matter of weeks, my four years reached a climax and still like the first day I entered the gates of the campus, my future was bleak and blurry. I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. And all I wanted was one more year to be able to make something of my mumbled up mind but that wasn’t to happen. And on my final paper, I was both elated and demoralized. I felt like a child who, although had the maddest fun at the party, was being locked out for coming home late. Suddenly, after what seemed like a long time, four years ago, I felt like I had been thrown out in the cold and with not as much as a jacket.
I always thought that by the end of my University life, my life would be ordered. I had always thought that I would simply follow a sort of laid- out path created by the University. But now, I feel like I am being forced to grow up and make my own path. And to try the idea of living each day as it comes can not work because life is moving ahead and as the saying goes “time waits for no one.” My uncle asked me the other day what I planned to do now that I had graduated, and I had no tangible answer. The first thing I know is that I want to be rich and independent, (of course), the other thing is I want to write. But does writing make any thing in this country? I am not a novel writer or a script writer, or I don’t think I am, so how do I make it writing? I don’t even know if I want to work in an official office, like formal office or a more laid-back office? I am too interested in a lot of things that I do not have any particular specification.
Well at least there is youth service in February, right? Wrong!!! Apparently I have to wait till June for that. So now I have roughly six months to do something productive with myself. People, I need help!!! What do I do with myself? AARRGGHHH!!!!! It is actually true, education is not everything and it is not the beginning or end of your life. Sometimes, even, it can be quite useless in the path which one’s life would follow.
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