Friendship or "Funship"?

Yoruba people say “ko sore mo, a nta ma barin lo ku” which basically means there are no friends anymore, there are only people to hang out with. I just finished watching all the seasons of Sex and the City and presently in the middle of both the book and series of another work by the same writer “Candace Bushnell”- Lipstick Jungle. The very obvious undertone to both best selling books (Sex and the city was first a book) is friendship. In sex and the city, there is this friendship between four women who grow and experience life together. They become more than just friends, they become sisters. Every episode showed how they each grew in their individual ways but always managed to simulate into one big lesson. What struck me was that these four strong and independent women were dependent on themselves but not in an annoying way, they respected themselves and knew their differences and yet imbibed it into each other’s way of living. They somehow managed to accept and incorporate Samantha’s wild life and complement it with the high contrast of Charlotte’s conservative and traditional life which always seemed to go along with the feministic ways of Miranda and of course all this was under the umbrella of Carrie’s open-mindedness. They told tell each other every little, shameful, embarrassing detail of their lives. How is it that four very different women can harmonize into this beautiful life that glued people to their seats, week after week?
What I am about to say applies to both male and female, but I will refer to the female for the most part. ( get over it guys, we spend all of our lives being termed “man” for generalization- change is good sometimes).
It is naturally thought that to become friends, you all have to share almost if not everything in common. Well, I disagree. I believe that two people from different sides of the world or moral conduct can become friends as long as they understand each other. A darling once told me that a relationship only ends when one party stops trying and I think it also works in friendships. Unfortunately, I think that friendships now are about partying and gossiping. I say, any friendship based on gossiping about others is not good because one who gossips to you about another would gossip about you to another. Don’t get me wrong, gossips are needed in every friendship, of course, it’s what we women do (and men too- especially them, though they never admit it) but it shouldn’t be the basis of your friendship.
Whatever happened to the Sex and the City type friendship, where you tell each other every thing? How can you have a friend you cannot talk to about your problems? Whatever the reason might be, a friend you cannot confide in, is an acquaintance, a gist partner, not a friend! A true friend is the one who stands by you when you are down, and when you are celebrating; she pops the champagne for you. When you are doing something wrong, she stands beside you to whisper a warning into your ear not stand miles away to shout that warning so every one would hear that she is “being a good friend” and helping out. And if you do not listen to her, she does not say “I told you so” or “I warned her” when things go wrong, she is right there with a box of tissue. A true friend is the one who doesn’t wait for you to ask for her help, she offers the help and if you refuse it, she doesn’t stay away, NO, she gives it subtly without you realizing it. A true friend is the one you can tell about your father and his antics, your mother and her problems. The one you can trash your boyfriend to one minute and who would still help you dress up for a date with him the next with a big smile. A friend is one you can call at 3 am, crying or just to gist because you are bored. A friend is one who understands when you have to spend more time with someone else and less time with her and who will welcome you with open arms when you do come to spend time with her. A true friend knows when to cry with you or the time make you cry, laugh with you or when to make you laugh.
A true friend accepts who and what you are and finds a way to run with it. A true friend does not tolerate you, she accepts you. A true friend loves you BECAUSE of your faults not INSPITE of them. A friend will not try to use your weak points for her advantage. A true friend is the one who know the right buttons to push in order to manipulate you but would never push those buttons except in emergency. She is the one who would still run to comfort you in the middle of a fight with her. She is the one who would help you out even when you are not talking to each other. A friend is one who accepts your apology after a fight; a true friend is the one who acts like nothing ever even happened.
A true friend would first fight and vouch for you then come back and ask questions. She would trust your judgment and decisions and would be there to pick up the scattered pieces if she has to. True friendship is when your individual spouses feel like they are married to both you and your friends but at the same time are not drawn into the hole of your friendship. Big, Carrie’s on again-off again boyfriend in Sex and the City for example, had to be approved by all her friends and got along well with them but still had a life with Carrie that did not involve her friends in every matter. Your spouses should be like those extended members of the family that you only get to see on Sunday visits, Christmas day and so on. They are there, close but not “in your face” close.
No matter how hard life is, it pays when you know you have someone you can talk to, laugh with, cry with or gossip with. Some people never find true friends in life and some come close to finding them, but if you do, keep them and if you have a friend you are not sure of, then she probably isn’t true. There is nothing worse than the feeling you get when you feel like you do not have friends you can trust and share things with. But before you jump to question your friends, ask yourself if you are TRULY a true friend. So if you have the lipstick jungle and sex and the city type of friendship, please treasure it because that is not your friend, he or she is your family. Sometimes finding a soul mate or true love does not necessarily mean finding a life partner, husband or wife; it could be finding a true friend.