OUT WITH THE NEW AND BACK TO THE OLD

So my mother and I were talking the other day about life in general. Now my mother and I have one of those rare mother-daughter relationships were we share anything and everything- and I do mean anything. So this day we were gossiping about one of her friends who had problems with her husband. Somehow though we shifted base to another really interesting topic which piqued my interest and I thought to share and as usual ask my questions.
Now this friend of my mothers had a family friend staying over in her house. The girl whose name would remain unspoken, just finished from the University. Normally, for someone staying in another person’s house, it is expected of her to at least take some chores in the house upon herself. However, this girl does absolutely nothing in the house. Her basic daily routine is to wake up, stay in bed for another hour using her blackberry. Then she dresses up beautifully, eats food that has been made by the woman and goes out. Fed up with the girl’s behaviour, the woman came complaining to my mother. And in usual motherly fashion, the talk of how girls of nowadays behave began. Soon enough, my mother went from gossip to the “mother-daughter” talk of how to behave in your husband’s house.
This talk was different as it was not particularly a lecture. She however raised some really disturbing questions in my head. Is our generation really in trouble? Are the women being raised now more superficial than ever? Would this become problems for us in the future and even more so what would happen to our children if we do not possess the proper morals with which to train them? The scary thing is that while our mothers may be seen as nags and as much as they bug us now, they are actually very correct.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that all girls of our generation are not domesticated. But the rate at which the number of girls that are quite useless at the home front increases is ALARMING. And its not just being a good cook or being good at washing and cleaning, even though that is all part of it, but it also includes the little things that make us African and good mothers and wives. It is just hard to find a woman who is the total embodiment of a good African woman, mother and wife. You know how your mother can make your father do something he did not want to? How you ran to mummy to ask daddy for money or if you could go out because you know he would not ordinarily give in? Or how it was only your mother that could calm your father down when he was angry at you? Or even some odd things like lying for him? Did you ever wonder how your mother could be so calm when your father is acting so irrational? Or how she could entertain so many impromptu guests?
Are we slowly loosing our femininity in the fight for feminism? Has the Western life taken away our ability to pay attention to details and keep a home? In the conscious effort to look good for our husbands and boyfriends, have we unconsciously ignored them and allowed for their roaming eyes. In the search for equality, have we lost the essence of womanhood and “Africanness” in us? It seems as technology improves, we slowly loose the abilities our mothers possess. For example, how many girls of nowadays can make pounded yam? I do not mean poundo yam. Or how many can grind pepper using the traditional stone?
I have nothing against Westernization or civilization. It has definitely made our lives easier. But then is civilization taking just as much from our original persons as it is improving our daily lives? And why is it that as much as we women change down generations, the men still have the same attributes? In fact all civilization has done is sharpen their skills in cheating. Now we have the Blackberries and Iphones that allow your man flirt and chat with other girls while sitting right next to you or laying beside you.
As always, I just want you to take a moment and think. What will become of us women?

Hanging out

Tonight, I stepped out for a bit and just happened to pass a beer parlor. Like so many of its kind, it was packed full. Full of guys that is and it just made me wonder about a few things that I thought I should share. Please note, this is not meant to be a wow-off- the-top post. It is just me thinking out loud. Remember this is life as it happens and thoughts as they come to me.

As usual, I ask a question. first, what is it that draws young guys who are, by the way, our future leaders, to common beer parlors? Now, a lot if not all boys from the age of 15 upwards are found in one beer parlor or another at least once a week. Notice how I say boys because I do not think responsible people should indulge in such nonsense and only responsible people can be called men. Sad thing is most guys I know are famous beer parlor goers. Is it some sort of initiation into "manhood"? If you haven't gone to a beer parlor, you are not yet a man? And if you do not go at least once a week, you are not having fun? Oh, then throw in a weekly bout of clubbing and you are the coolest?

Why should one leave his house or place of work to go to a rugged open spaced beer parlor? This sad habit that every member of the male specie seems to have inculcated is discussion for another day. More pressing thoughts are on hand.

I tried to come up with some of the reasons why these guys are so freaked about beer parlors that they must find one to go to wherever they find themselves. For some, it might be a way to let out some frustration after a long day. For others, it is something to do to culminate a day of doing absolutely nothing ( thanks to ASUU). Others call up their boys to meet at a parlor just to kill boredom. Let's not forget the oh so very annoying "I am waiting for the traffic to die down" routine. To satisfy my curiousity, I called up some guy friends of mine (and I have them "plentiful") and this was their general and common answer- they just want to hang out. Oh! That makes sense. It could not have been that it was just because they are hopeless drunks, if not they would just buy the drinks and take it at their homes, right? If it was all about hanging out then the beer parlor addiction figures, right? Good, problem solved. Yes?

NO!!! Why should guys have a place to hang out and just chill while we girls do not. No, this is not just another feminine move, this is real talk. There is a place that these drunks, sorry boys, can multitask- drink, gossip(they call it gisting but we all know that is where all the secrets come out) and let us not forget get girls and we girls are left at home wondering when our brothers, boyfriends, fathers will return home. Why can't girls have theirs? We also love hanging out now! In fact, as far as I know hanging out is more of a girl thing after all we are the known gossips and that IS what a hangout entails, at least 70 percent of the time.

Really, think about it! the beer parlor is majorly a male dominated area. From the classy joints like Vitto Cantina, Cubes to the average Anjiez to the road side, business centre like parlors like Savannah, Jojos and Ozias. What do we ladies have? Cinemas?! The guys are there too. Malls? You can't just chill, eat and "gist" for hours. The closest we can come to our own beer parlor is a Beauty parlor and even that isn't just the same because we do not get to just chill and hang out without having our gist being tapped or getting judged by other women.

Does this mean that we do not need to hang out or are we content with just chilling in our various homes and friend's houses?

All I am saying is: Ladies, it is time we created our own female-only joint or we invade the beer parlors!!! WE NEED OUR SPACE

Like I said earlier, I am just thinking out loud. Good night boys. mwah

View From Another Angle

So out of sheer joblessness and boredom, I began to take these quizzes that are never ending. Asides from being jobless and bored, I actually have an ulterior motive as to why I do take these tests. To put it simply, I just really want to know who I am, or at least what I am capable of.

Now I know there are some questions that only you can answer but do you ever just feel that you need a soothsayer to explain who you are and what your purpose in life is? I mean someone who just gets it right and tells you things that others and not even yourself would see. Parents would tell you how great you will become because let's face it, no parent wants to admit to their child that they just might not make it. (except of course when at the age of 25 you are still a couch potato, then they would scream about how you either need to get married or get a job). Truth is, parents never just get it.

Anyways, moving right along... Pastors tell you that your purpose in life is to serve God and win souls. And even after all this, you still feel like there is more you need to do with your life. I mean even the Bible says every man has a gift. But who exactly are you? how do people regard you? what would be said to be your strongest asset and best feature? To answer these questions, I often take these random quizzes and view horoscopes.

Amongst one of these many RANDOM quizzes was one which struck me as odd. This was so because while to some people, these might seem stupid and the answers might be considered bizzare, as in really how can you believe and accept answers to a stupid quiz that was set by a random person that does not even know who you are and what you are about? I actually get answers that are close to the truth or that I can relate with to some certain extent. But not today and not this quiz. The question- What makes you, you? My answer- confidence. Now while this might not seem bad and could actually be considered a good thing, I hated it.

Why? BECAUSE I have the lowest self esteem anybody could imagine. My mother is frustrated with me, my friends ignore me when I complain about myself, heck even my acquaintances know this about me. But then this quiz that knows nothing about me tells me that not only do I have confidence, it is this confidence that makes me, me. It is this confidence that sets me apart from others. Wow. Now normally, you would expect me to laugh at this and just ignore it but I actually decided to accept it.

I accepted it because for the first time, this was something or someone telling me I had enough confidence in me. Other people who know me have tried to build my confidence but this one said I had it already. It gingered me and suddenly out of nowhere this previously non-existent confidence sprung up in me. Now it may die before tomorrow but at least now I know that I do have confidence in myself. It may not be the well known and universally accepted confidence but that is just it. It is a certain kind of conifdence that distinguishes me from others. The type that gives me the will to work on myself and stop to look at myself the way others might look at me. The type of confidence, unlike others, which allows me change some things I might not like in myself. Now while I might need more work, I do accept that I am special and different and people can actually like me. Now this is something I never believed before

To conclude, this little piece of advise... have confidence in yourself but take time out to see yourself in the light which others see you. Things just might be different from that angle.

xoxo.

JUST BASIC QUESTIONS OF WHAT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE

What exactly is a good relationship? Is it one where there is no cheating, there is respect, the man holds you in high esteem, introduces you to everyone, takes you everywhere, calls every minute, tells you he loves you every time, praises you, makes you feel like you are the most beautiful or the best? Just how true are all those things? After all its just word of mouth, right?

When is it cheating? Is he cheating when he merely admires other girls, thinks of another girl secretly, fantasizes of someone else, have a cyber relationship or in this new age of technology, kisses once or twice here and there, smashes, or just goes all d way. When a gal receives calls from oda guys just for the fun of it, goes 2 d movies with another guy that's on her case, flirts around a bit? When is a partner worthy of being called a cheat? When it happens 1ce by mistake, when it happens only during fights or when it never stops? What den should ‘harmless’ flirting be called?

When does he respect u? When he apologizes every time or just doesn’t annoy you at all? When he doesn’t insult u at all (even if it’s a joke)? When he cheats but doesn’t let it affect ur relationship or when he tells d gals he constantly cheats with that u r No.1. When he sticks up for u amongst his friends. Is he disrespectful when he cuts the fone or tells u he just doesn’t want to talk to u without reasonable explanation or just cos he isn’t in the mood?

What is trust? How far can u go in the name of trust? Would u leave your partner with a sexy member of the opposite sex? Would u check each other’s fones, would u believe everything he/she says not caring if it’s a lie or not. U see calls from and to a particular person, would u just ignore it and keep quiet about it all in the name of ‘trust’.
Is a relationship good when u don’t fight at all, occasionally, or all the time? What if you don’t fight cos u hardly talk, or u fight a lot cos u talk a lot and are running out of things to say. Is it healthy to see others? Is it right for ur bf/gf 2 actually suggest it as a solution? Is it right when the man lies or the woman is forever nagging? What happens when the roles are changed?

What if she doesn’t nag but that’s just cos there is some one else she’d rather be with than nag? Aren’t you fooling urselves then? What if he is just a beautiful liar and you can never tell anyways.

Would a rel8nship be healthy just cos dey don’t cheat? Is love everything? I LOVE U; I LOVE U TOO, is dat enough? Is it wrong when u start to concentrate all ur energy on avoiding fights so much so that there is nothing much to say cos u seem to get on eachother's nerves with every statement.
They say there are a few good men, does that indirectly mean that u should stay in an unhappy relationship. All girls are cheats, “ko si omo mo”, does that mean u should put up with a bitch or a nag just cos the “devil u know is better than the angel u don’t”

What is an unhappy rel8nship? Just when is a rel8nship abusive? If ur man slaps u once cos u annoyed him after a year of dating, is dat abusive? If a woman hits a man, is it still abusive? Is it right when ur bf/gf would rather be with friends than u? What does it mean to take 1 4 granted?

What happens when both the bf/gf think they r each being taken for granted. Who then takes the blame? Should u just not blame n just ignore, how then do you avoid a repetition? Is dere a time talking just stops to help? Is it right when he is just always ready to show that he doesn’t need you?

Is it wrong to love a man that hurts you considering u can’t help urself? Are u stupid just cos u want ur happiness even if its just for a while so u take all the bullshit? Turn a blind eye to a cheating bf/gf? U figure, if u left u’d be sad but if u stayed at least u’d have a few happy moments. But won’t it all get better in time and soon enough? Just how soon is soon enough?

Why should u hurt for as long as a month or even more, is any one really worth all that especially if u had to part ways in the end.
Is it right that ur bf doesn’t get moved by ur tears and u “irritate” him when u beg? If one gal complains of a rude and disrespectful bf, another cries over a cheating husband, one is scared of an abusive bf while another is pissed at a selfish maga and yet another longs for a man that loves another, who exactly is in the worst situation?

If therapists say all these men should be dumped, then just what man would be left for marriage? And even if there a few good men, what happens to the bad ones and worse still, what happens to the women that are way more than the men (especially the good ones). Is it love that makes a relationship work or hard work? Just how much hard work is required to keep a relationship running?

When is hard work too much, when does it begin to take up all your energy? I mean, if there is a part of u dat still wants to make it work no matter how little or weak, doesn't that mean you still have some energy?

The question, people, is “when is it right and on what grounds should you make the decision of whether to go on or move on?”

PS: Please ignore my informality and use of short forms