Who is to blame?

Recently I found out about the escapades of yet another cheating boyfriend and I got really frustrated, not just because he was cheating constantly (daily) and his girlfriend thought she had the best of boyfriends but because it seems that one cannot find one honest and faithful man anymore. In this new generation of ours, you cannot find one good African man, unlike before when there were at least a few good men. Now, it seems that the young eligible guys of this generation made a pact never to be faithful. No girl dating or married to a man of the 21st century can boast of having a man who has never cheated or whom she is not suspecting of cheating, except of course if the relationship is just three days old.(and that would only be because the man does not own a blackberry). It is so appalling that there is not one faithful male in the world today. Of course, there are different degrees and levels of cheating but I say, call a spade a spade; cheating is cheating.
From utter disgust and frustration, I decided to find out what it was that made the men so out of control in that instead of getting better over the ages, they get worse. My first thought was the all so common excuse; “It’s in their D.N.A”. If cheating flows in their blood streams, how come there are different degrees and why is it that SOME men of the previous generations were able to sustain faithfulness? I also tried to pin it on the “End times” or the fact that the ratio of women to men in the world is 100: 1 but none of these reasons, as reasonable as they might be, really satisfied my curiousity. So I decided that the only way I could come to a passable conclusion was to first analyze the situation of cheating men in our society today; why they cheat but most of all, how come they get away with it on a platter?
Having ignited my thoughts, I chose to analyze the relationship I just found out about. For this guy, not only is he cheating but he is also so confident that his girlfriend can never find out and even if she did, would never believe it. His tactic? Same as every other guy, tell her the situation of things with these girls but conveniently leaving out the fact that he is sleeping with them so that even if the girl finds out something about a girl, she pays no special attention because she had heard about that girl before from her ‘faithful’ partner. The thing, however, is that women have these intrinsic instincts concerning their men but they deliberately ignore it, either to promote trust or peace of mind.
It has been said that there are basic signs to identifying a cheating man but the truth is that there are no basic signs, just instincts that tug at the woman’s mind and lets her know something is up. But most times, she ignores it. This therefore means that the men are not as sleek and coded as they think they are. It just means that the women let them get away with it either on purpose or through blind trust which is basically stupid ignorance. So, if the men are not always successful in totally hiding their evil deeds, then why do they eventually get away with cheating? Even when they are caught, they still do get away with it. But just why do men get away with these things-because the women allow them! Which is why the rate of cheating men is directly equivalent to the rate of increase in desperate and ignorant, dependent women in the society.
As much as we hurt from the antics of our men, we women are the only reasons they continue to cheat. Tell a girlfriend that her boyfriend is cheating on her; she either stops talking to you or stays with the boyfriend even after confrontation. Even when caught red-handed, the man still manages to convince the willing girlfriend to stay. In the case of marriage, the woman is told by her family (women) that she has to bear the brunt in order to keep her family and children intact. It is considered natural to go through these things and excuses are even made for the husband, sometimes the woman is blamed for pushing her husband out of the house to another woman’s arms for solace and comfort. Whereas, in the same marriage, a woman is immediately chastised and thrown out if she cheats. The man conveniently forgets his children and family name and those same women who encouraged the wife to stay are quick to scold her, forgetting that she probably lacked some much needed attention from her husband. It is considered absurd if a woman complains of little sex or attention from her husband. In Africa, when a woman cheats, she has committed an abomination and is castigated but when a man cheats, he has fully come into manhood and is given a pat on the back.
Another side to the story is that of the girls with whom the man cheats. These are the girls who know that the men they are with have partners but still go ahead either just because they do not care or because due to some insane obsession, they hope for a divorce or breakup. In this scenario, the women are to be blamed again. Women have placed men on such high pedestals that they backstab and hurt themselves in order to get them. Drop a man this minute, no matter how ugly, poor, disrespectful or abusive he is and about two hundred girls are ready to take him just as he is. So how exactly is he supposed to learn from his mistakes? It is almost like the world is now a jungle full of desperate women that have to fight and kill themselves over the few men left in the wild. And for what exactly, Just to have a new surname? (Because quite frankly, I am yet to find a guy who is actually worth it)
You find women holding on to the men they have, just because “going to another man is like moving from frying pan to fire”, “ they are all the same, so why not hold on to the one you have managed to tame”, and the oh so famous “ the devil you know is better than the angel you do not know”. See, my problem with that theory is this, known or unknown, an angel beats the devil any day, light will always overshadow darkness either the source of the light is known or not.
So ladies, this is it. We are the cause of our own problems. We settle for less, allow these men continue with their antics and then come back to cry. Men are like babies, they want to do what you tell them not to and until they get a serious beating or get hurt, they will not stop. So, its either you “beat” that man that cheats on you or at least make sure he regrets it or continue to live in silence and backstabbing and make more monsters in the guise of the male specie.
I would have said if you can’t beat them join them but in the end, the men are more strict and would send you away the moment you cheat. But if we must suffer with these cheats, then we should be allowed to kiss a few other men at the very least and if you are married, well, there are other ways to tame your man. And for those girls out there with the sole purpose of grabbing other women’s men, my advice is if you can not get a man of your own, then become a lesbian.
But on a more serious note, my advice goes thus: we have heard the likes of Beyonce with “if I were a boy” , Ciara and a lot more women, Ladies, it is time to clean those tears, make your points known, stand your grounds and ironically, Be a Man! And as harsh as this may seem, trust your instincts, not your man!