BIG PAUSE

Happy New Year y’all! It is a new year and for me, a new chapter in my life has begun. How? My convocation was some days ago which I am now officially be fit to be called a graduate.
“What next?” While my whole family was planning my graduation party, this was one of the many questions that were going through my head. When I was a lot younger, I remember my parents being told that I was growing up too fast and that it would affect me later in life. At an age where others were in primary 4 or 5, I was in J. S 1. I finished secondary school at an age where my mates where in S.S 1. I was doing really well in school and I thought those people where chatting bullocks but now looking at the way things are, I am just beginning to think that maybe, just maybe they were right. Okay so I finished last year and my convocation is in a few days time. I am actually really through with school, my first degree at least. The funny thing is that in Secondary School, I was looking forward to the end of my 6 years but this time, I just wanted one more year to at least clear my head and decide what to do with my life. But unfortunately, I have no extra year, so basically, I am done and with good grades I might add. For the past four years, all the problems that came my way were easy to cross because I just buried myself in my studies. Not like I had no social life whatsoever, its just that it was nice to have something important to do when the world just seemed not to be able to stop throwing all those lemons. It was good to know that even though the weekend was bad and some things happened that made me feel bad about myself over the weekend, I could go to class on Monday, where things went just fine and I could regain my confidence in being able to do something right. Truth is, school was an escape route for me. When my family was being lead stars of fuji house of commotion and my boyfriend was being a jerk and my friends were being annoying, there was always a Logic or Marxist course that made me feel better. School was the only form of stability in my life. It was nothing like the continuous ups and downs of my relationship or subsequent fights with my friends or the disintegration of my family, or rocky status of my finance. It was different. My grades never failed, the lecturers never changed, the courses although different had a certain similarity to them. Basically, my classes were my therapy.
And now, all so soon, it is coming to an end. No place to run to when I needed to get away from parents or run from, away from friends. No freedom for night crawling, party hopping, “sleep overs”. In a matter of weeks, my four years reached a climax and still like the first day I entered the gates of the campus, my future was bleak and blurry. I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. And all I wanted was one more year to be able to make something of my mumbled up mind but that wasn’t to happen. And on my final paper, I was both elated and demoralized. I felt like a child who, although had the maddest fun at the party, was being locked out for coming home late. Suddenly, after what seemed like a long time, four years ago, I felt like I had been thrown out in the cold and with not as much as a jacket.
I always thought that by the end of my University life, my life would be ordered. I had always thought that I would simply follow a sort of laid- out path created by the University. But now, I feel like I am being forced to grow up and make my own path. And to try the idea of living each day as it comes can not work because life is moving ahead and as the saying goes “time waits for no one.” My uncle asked me the other day what I planned to do now that I had graduated, and I had no tangible answer. The first thing I know is that I want to be rich and independent, (of course), the other thing is I want to write. But does writing make any thing in this country? I am not a novel writer or a script writer, or I don’t think I am, so how do I make it writing? I don’t even know if I want to work in an official office, like formal office or a more laid-back office? I am too interested in a lot of things that I do not have any particular specification.
Well at least there is youth service in February, right? Wrong!!! Apparently I have to wait till June for that. So now I have roughly six months to do something productive with myself. People, I need help!!! What do I do with myself? AARRGGHHH!!!!! It is actually true, education is not everything and it is not the beginning or end of your life. Sometimes, even, it can be quite useless in the path which one’s life would follow.